IITs Launch Therapy Program for Alumni Traumatized by Not Becoming Billionaires

IITian becomes CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Another one joins Meta with a $100 million signing bonus.

These are no longer news; they’re calendar events. Like Diwali or GST filing.

But what no one talks about is the unfortunate majority — the thousands of IITians who graduate every year and, tragically, do not make it to the Forbes billionaire list. Society may call them “normal,” but alumni WhatsApp groups know better: they’re cautionary tales.

“I just scroll past such headlines. Pretend they don’t exist,” says Vikas Bhatnagar (name changed), an IIT alumnus working as a project manager in an IT services company. He drives a Hyundai Creta. The kind with manual transmission.

During IIT alumni reunions — especially after the third whiskey — the truth leaks out like a memory dump.

“Bloody Sundar Pichais and Bansals have ruined my life,” says Amit Sharma (name changed), while angrily smashing his glass on the table. “Every time an IITian makes it big, someone drops the link in our family group with ‘proud moment!’ I swear it’s a targeted attack.”

Then there are the uncles and aunties — those relentless KPI auditors of desi society.

“‘So when are you becoming a CEO, beta?’ I’ve heard it so often, it echoes when I brush my teeth,” says Gaurav Singh (name changed), who quit drinking after calculating that redirecting whiskey money into index funds could make him a multimillionaire by the time he’s 90.”

But Gaurav has found a workaround.

“I registered a company called Nothing AI Ltd. It does absolutely nothing. But legally, I’m the CEO. I pay ₹40,000 a year to a CA just to maintain the paperwork. Now I show up at weddings and cremations with much more confidence.”

IIT Steps In

The issue has now reached the IIT administrations, who are launching free mental health support for “alumni under social pressure.”

“We became aware of this trend through alumni meets — especially the ones in Silicon Valley and Bangalore where passive-aggressive success is served with cocktails,” said the director of one IIT.
“We don’t want a study to emerge titled ‘Statistically speaking, if you are an IITian, you’re more likely to be depressed in your 40s than to become a CEO.”

Interestingly, the director himself admits to having a relatively humble career, saying he “joined academia when the billionaire dream died.”

“The best part is, as a professor, no one expects you to own a yacht.”

Another IIT director revealed that some super-successful alumni offered to fund the therapy program. The offer was declined.

“Even mentioning their names might worsen things,” he said. “Imagine having a panic attack just because Narayana Murthy donated something again.”

Meanwhile, a growing underground support group is circulating Satya Nadella memes captioned:

“Not every IITian becomes a CEO and not all Indian CEOs are IITians.”
A small comfort, but in today’s climate, every byte of hope counts.